I figured that I’d have a little fun today and write a blog post that is entertaining, interactive and educational all at the same time. 

I’m going to post this blog and look for public feedback so anyone who wants to participate and have a couple of laughs on a random Tuesday in September can. 

So here’s the format:

1) I’ll start the ball rolling by quoting some Seinfeld lines and then tie them in to HR lessons that we can learn from the situations in the famous show about “nothing”.

2) If you have other examples from Seinfeld situations then add them as a comment on the blog, LinkedIn or Twitter.

3) I’ll add any outside examples in to my blog and give credit to the participating party. 

4) Pay it forward by “liking”, “Retweeting”, etc. as all are welcome.

5) We all have some laughs.

Here we go

QUOTE #1:

George Costanza: Don’t get worked up, because you’re going to know the whole story the minute she walks off the plane.
Jerry: Really, how?
George Costanza: Because it’s all in the greeting. If she puts the bags down before she greets you, that’s a good sign.
Jerry: Right.
George Costanza: Anything in the lip area is good.
Jerry: Lip area, yeah.
George Costanza: A hug, definitely good.
Jerry: Hug is good. Although what if its one of those hugs, where the shoulders are touching, and the hips are 8 feet apart.
George Costanza: Those are brutal.
Jerry: You know how they do that.
George Costanza: Also, you know a shake is bad.
Jerry: Right, a shake is bad. But what if it’s the two-hander? The hand on the bottom, the hand on the top, the warm look in the eyes.
George Costanza: The hand sandwich.
Jerry: Right.
George Costanza: Well, that is open to interpretation because so much depends on the layering, and the quality of the wetness in the eyes.
George Costanza: [after her actual arrival and greeting] The surprise blindfold greeting. That wasn’t in the manual.

HR LESSON #1: Unlike George & Jerry, in the workplace inappropriate physical contact could be interpreted as harassment so sticking with the standard handshake is the best way to ensure that everyone stays out of trouble.

QUOTE #2:

George Costanza: Miranda thinks I’m a butcher, but – it’s not my fault, is it? Don’t we have a deal with the pigeons?
Jerry Seinfeld: Of course we have a deal: They get out of the way of our cars; we look the other way on the statue defecations.

HR LESSON #2: Do you have written employment agreements, policies or job descriptions with your employees?  Or do you rely on verbal understandings like George & Jerry with the pigeons?  As an employer your only defense in a dispute with an employee is written documentation so if you don’t put policies and agreements in writing then you are potentially legally exposed.

QUOTE #3:

George Costanza: Well, you know, I’ve been lying about my income for a few years; I figured I could afford a fake house in the Hamptons

HR LESSON #3: Do you conduct background checks on candidates before you hire them?  A careerbuilder.com survey last year found that 49% of hiring managers uncovered that a candidate lied on their resume.  I’ve seen everything from candidates inflating salaries, to providing false social security numbers to hide criminal records, to claiming to have college degrees that they didn’t have.  Background checks are inexpensive so don’t mess around and make sure that your new employees are what they say they are before you’re surprised after you hire them.

QUOTE #4 (Submitted by John Mark Ivey of Raleigh-Durham, NC)

Lloyd Braun: Serenity now.  Insanity later.

HR LESSON #4: Not encouraging employees to take their vacation time can cause burn out which will be a constant drag on company wide productivity and employee engagement.

QUOTE #5 (Submitted by Rob Schneider of Raleigh-Durham, NC)

Jerry Seinfeld: “Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year’s gone by and how little we’ve grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it’s not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing.”

HR Lesson #5: Help your employees establish short term and long term measurable goals that are realistic, yet challenging. Their birthdays can truly be a time of celebration as it can be a day to reflect on how much has been accomplished since their last birthday and how far they have come towards reaching their goals.

QUOTE #6 (Submitted by Brad Reid of Raleigh-Durham, NC)

 Jerry Seinfeld– “The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. “Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off. I’ve got the toe clippers right here.”

HR LESSON #6: Are you providing your employees with the tools they need to succeed?

QUOTE #7 (Submitted by Brad Reid of Raleigh-Durham, NC)

Jerry Seinfeld: I have a friend who’s collecting unemployment insurance. This guy has never worked so hard in his life as he has to keep this thing going. He’s down there every week, waiting on the lines and getting interviewed and making up all these lies about looking for jobs. If they had any idea of the effort and energy that he is expending to avoid work, I’m sure they’d give him a raise.

HR LESSON #7 Do you have employees that have “quit” on you and your business but are still working for you just to collect a paycheck?